Your stories: Emmanuel

Meet Emmanuel, perianesthesia nurse, team player, husband and father.

Empathy is a precious gift, but caring so deeply can leave you especially vulnerable to burnout. Emmanuel shares his learnings on balancing care with self-care.

Emmanuel captures the quiet power of empathy for patients, colleagues and himself.

Emmanuel is a people person. He cares. It’s just who he is.

So perianesthesia nursing – spending much of his time caring for patients who are asleep – may not seem an obvious choice. But any assumptions around this melt away when he starts talking about his work.

“People sometimes joke about it, saying ‘Oh, you're not really doing too much, are you? You're looking after patients while machines do all the work’,” he grins.

“I think it's an important role,” he adds softly.

We are not machines

Emmanuel has an instinct for soothing a patients’ nerves before they’re wheeled into theatre, whatever that looks like for them.

He’s equally sensitive to his colleagues’ wellbeing. It’s not that uncommon, he says, to find one in a corridor blinking back tears. Or being uncharacteristically snappy one day – a stereotypical ‘grumpy nurse’.

It could be down to any number of things, he supposes. Perhaps work-related, perhaps not. Probably a combination of things.  

“We’re not machines,” he says. “We’re human beings. Just like the people we’re treating. When it gets really hard, you have to reflect on that and be okay with it.”

It’s easier to make peace with your humanity these days, he reflects. “Hospitals are mostly onto it now. It’s a lot more common to talk about it. Talking about your feelings isn’t looked down upon."

Off-switch not included

Still, protecting his own wellbeing is a perennial challenge for Emmanuel.  

“I’m an empath,” he admits. “One of my downsides is that I can't switch off from the people around me. I was that student in class who would see a schoolmate struggling, sit down next to them and ask: ‘do you want help with this?’.

“That's who I've always been. It's hard to ignore suffering. I don't believe in leaving people behind. This comes at a cost to me as well. I’m very much aware of it.”

Awareness is one thing, taking necessary action is another. It can be incredibly difficult to accept that (sometimes) the most rewarding work comes at too high a price.

Emmanuel knows he can’t be the father and husband he wants to be if he’s burnt out. He’s been there and has no intention of going back. Tapping yourself on the shoulder is a skill in itself, he says.

“I’ve realised when I’m not performing well. I've had to step back on one or two roles, even though I’ve enjoyed them. I’m not benefiting anyone if I burn myself out.”

So how can the nursing and midwifery community avoid learning this lesson the hard way?

Personal protocols

Just as surgical teams have protocols to deal with adverse events, self-care plans should merit equal consideration. Having tried-and-tested strategies at your fingertips may be a game-changer when you’re tired and wired from a demanding shift.

Unsurprisingly, human connection is a big part of Emmanuel’s mitigation plan. “I try to keep in touch with people who aren’t in my field to see what they're going through, and how life is,” he says. “I've got friends who are fathers and husbands. I try to spend time with them and learn how they’re getting through it – you know?”

He does his best to maintain fitness. “It’s much harder to get up and go to the gym at 4am in winter though. It takes a lot of effort,” he laughs. “I’m not a winter person!”

Opportunities for kindness

Emmanuel has found what works for him, most of the time. He’s developed the self-awareness to know when it’s not working. And he proves that protecting himself isn’t indulgent but essential.

Anyone feeling shame or guilt about prioritising their wellbeing may like to consider this pearl of ancient wisdom, courtesy of Seneca: “Wherever there is a human being there is an opportunity for kindness”.

As one of those human beings, looking after yourself is nothing more than showing yourself the same kindness you extend to others.

Resources

Online and phone-based services are available via:

• Nurse Midwife Health Program Australia. Peer support counselling for nurses, midwives and students of the professions
• Lifeline. 24-hour crisis support for anyone in distress.
• Beyond Blue. Information, peer support, mental health resources for young people.